Thankful Thirty-First

It has been about a month and a half since I broke up with Jonathan and I can tell you that I am truly happy...

For three years I had mentally pictured myself with him... I had tried to mold myself into what I felt he wanted (this is really my fault), I had tried to side-step the things in him that I knew would clash with my heart and desires, I made excuses for our relationship, I tried to assure myself that time would bring about change and that maturity would come and that commitment would be there if I just did this, or this or this...

Wow, I was drained. 

There was so much of myself that I had let go of in many ways because I felt I had to be a certain person every day (this is also really my fault) and I was soo tired, and unable to see my life without him attached. 

This past month has been a huge mental, emotional, spiritual roller-coaster filled with doubts, hopes, fears and a happiness I have never known. 

I am so grateful for the time I spent with Jonathan... Being with him taught me so much about life from a different perspective, how to fight fairly, how to be fully committed and how to love... His friendship is something I will forever cherish and there will be a part of him in my heart always but I know that my decision was the right one for me...

Over the past month I started talking to a friend of mine- we've been friends for a year now- we rekindled our friendship and out of the clear blue, an attraction formed... it has been such a whirlwind, but it feels soo right. I have peace and joy and I am being treated like a queen, which has actually been hard to accept but I am learning. His words and actions have healed a place in my heart that I don't think I even knew needed healing... He and I are dating "officially" but still taking things one day at a time. I thank God for putting him into my life and I am excited to see where it goes :)

I hope that your first day of fall is free and fun and that you all enjoy it!

All my love,

Jill

Food for today's thought:

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." 

-Marcel Proust

Thought-filled Thirtieth

Much is going on in my mind right now... decisions and hopes and concerns... not really wanting to share right now but would appreciate your prayers.

Due to the fact that gas is currently 4.99 a gallon, I have literally spent the past 3 days at home just saving my gas that I filled up last week when it was the normal 3.49ish so I have been just about crazy, sitting at home so today I went to a friends house just to hang out and it was really nice :)

Not much is going on with me right now, I am just working on finding a job and working on my classwork.

So, hope everything is going well with all of you out there around the world :)

Food for today's thought: 

"No one knows exactly where thought comes from, but it can be said that thought comes from the same place as whatever it is that beats our heart... it comes from being alive."

-Richard Carlson

The Twenty-Ninth

...ing

Savoring memories like the sand on the shore

Holding your breath til they slip back into darkness.

Wishing your mind could understand all that you cannot.

Hoping the voice of reason comes not from within

Trusting the One who cannot be seen, trying desperately so.

Wandering thoughts and tears trace against the canvas of your life, waiting to be portrayed.

Dying to know the secrets that are all around, waiting patiently for the One to reveal them.

Failing and falling again and again

Getting up and doing it all over.

Knowing He loves you is just not enough, it's so hard to completely trust.

Daring yourself to simply obey, struggling with your own flesh.

Dying to yourself day after day and you're worn down to nothing.

Anything would be better than the nothing you feel, the incompetence of your self.

Trying to be the best you can

  

Putting up walls to knock yourself down before you can fall.

Aching to feel secure and loved, to trust, to fly, to love completely...

I wrote this poem about a year and a half ago to and about God...it just truly describes so much of who I was at that time and who I am still becoming... I am still learning to trust and to let myself fall, learning to live through failure and learning to be secure and loved in the One who gave it all to me...

Food for today's thought:

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

- Mahatma Gandhi

Truthful Twenty-Eighth

Let it go for 2008
By: T. D. Jakes



There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you,
you can't make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person,
it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's
part in your story is over so that you
don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something.
I've got the gift of good-bye.
It's the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye.

It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful,
and I know whatever God means for me to have
He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something
that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to ...LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .
LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge
LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...
LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
level in Him...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves..
LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....
LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...
LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past.
Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for 2008 !!!
LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then
LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

Terrific Twenty-Seventh

Jesus is soo awesome. 

I am just truly happy and so excited about the future, I feel complete in God, I feel like my decisions are justified and just right...

I can't wait to see what else He has in store for my life.

I am enrolled in my independent study class and I am working on it right now...my car is not yet fixed but should be in a few days so I will be able to get another job soon (say a prayer!)

I just love all of you out there in bloggerville.

Much love~

Jill

Double food for today's thought: 

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the work, it's the beginning of a new life."

 -Unknown

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

-Martin Luther King Jr.