Friday, August 29, 2008

Trip twenty-sixth

Amanda and I Christmas 2006

I am currently in Richmond, Virginia at one of my best friend's Amanda's house! I haven't gotten to see her in soo long and it is so nice to get away and see friends and have fun :) I'm sure I will update later on with more updates! 

Food for today's thought: 
"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." -St. Augustine

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

True Twenthy-Fifth


By: Jill Hammond

Your scent.
Your Smile.
That look, in your eye.

Your secret.
Your sigh.
Those thoughts, in your mind.

Knowing you more than myself.

The in's.
The out's.
The laugh's, the cries.

Prayer's and kisses.
Ideas and pain.
The years have flown and crept by.

Your presence.
Your heart.
Those moments we shared.

Your faith.
Your insecurities.
Learning love can't always be easy.

The trying and failing.
The commitment and flaws.
I've learned more than I knew.

The pleasing.
The trying.
It was all for the best.

There can be no regrets.

Food for today's thought:
"We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated." -Maya Angelou

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Thrilling Twenty-Fourth *UPDATE*

So, tonight Jonathan calls and asks if I want to go to dinner, I told him I couldn't afford it so he asks if I want to go to Starbucks, I say, OK. So we go and we talk for a bit and things are ok and then the convo heads toward the breakup and things start to get rough... Basically he doesn't see us ever getting back together as of right now, he says he loves me enough to let me go, although I find that hard to understand considering he didn't love me enough to LOVE ME while we were together, he didn't fight for the relationship.

I think he is somewhat relieved that its over...but he says he does love me, but since he has no answer from God, then he wants to let me go.
So, he told me that he wants to be friends, not like we were but just like call every now and then etc...I told him that I can't do it. I love him too much and it hurts too badly. I don't think he can possibly love me the way I love him otherwise he couldn't just be my friend...
Anyway we ended our friendship tonight, well, as
he says I ended it because he says he doesn't want us to not be friends. I wish we could be but right now it is impossible. I love him soo very much that I can't ever move on and still have him near me.
Well, I came home crying my eyes out after that whole ordeal and my sweet roomies were there to cheer me up... thats when I noticed my split-ends...they were really really bad, so I ask Courtney to trim my hair, and then I say, No lets hack it!!! So, we cut off about 7-8 inches! Jonathan always told me he LOVED my hair and begged me not to cut it, well screw that!!!

What do you think??? I LOVE IT! I feel like a 3 year weight was lifted off my shoulders, literally!!! I think I may go get it professionally trimmed today and get a little more angular with it :)

"All women need to have a breakup haircut. Many women swear by this almost as a rite of passage. Logically, it's the worst thing you can do after a breakup. You're irrational, you're emotional, you're everything you shouldn't be when you sit on that swivel chair and ask the stylist to chop off your locks. But what you get out of this simple act of a haircut is indescribable. It's almost a sense of liberation. Like the emancipation of that part of your life. You're chopping off a part of you. You're making a change. You're ready to start anew. The old you is being swept up by the bottom-of-the-food-chain intern at the hair salon and thrown in the garbage bin.
For good.
All women need a breakup haircut." -Random girl on Blogger.

SO after I posted this I decided to go get another hair cut, and here it is... I am not in love with it, they cut the long angles I wanted in the front, and so I'm really disappointed in it, but my best friend is a hairdresser an is coming in a few days to stay with me and I am going to have her fix it :)

Friday, August 22, 2008

Tiring Twenty-Third

This is where I spent the majority of my day- The Humanities Center...

O my word! I was at Lee for 4 hours today trying to figure out my class situation...
Finally, I got the dean to approve my art minor, however I am still short 3 hours to graduate, so after getting 4 signatures-that took like 2 1/2 hours- 3 pages a typed proposition and a filled out application, I took my proposal to the dean of my department asking permission to be allowed to take Pastoral Counseling as Independent study so that I can work full-time. SO I should know by next week whether or not I am approved for Independent Study...please say a prayer that God will work this out!!! 

My mole seems to be better sort of...I still haven't been able to get an appointment with a dermatologist...

My back was better and is now hurting again, so I am going to the chiropractor again in the morning so hopefully it will be another week of relief...

I am still looking for another job so keep that in your prayers...I am in desperate need of some money! 

I went swimming with some friends last night and it was a great time of just hanging out and getting to know knew people...I felt single which was weird but necessary. I know the more I move on the better I'll feel. I hope that as time goes on things will keep getting easier cuz right now they still just catch up to me and catch me off guard and it can be really disheartening and then there are days when I feel totally fine like nothing's wrong or out of place. I guess this is just the process of a serious breakup.

So I'm tired now, and I'm trying because it has been terrible, but I know that it will be terrific when all is said and done.

All the love I can,

Food For Today's Thought: 
"The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is... for as gold is tested in fire, so will love be perfected in pain." - Unknown

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Trying Twenty-Second

After several long days and nights of crying and asking God why? I am feeling better...It is still so painful to think of him, to think of times shared, to remember moments, to realize there will be no new moments, to know I will never kiss him or hold him hurts so badly but I know that I made the best decision I could make.

I sprained my back last week and have had to go to the chiropractor the past 2 days and need to go again on sat. Its been a painful ordeal and I haven't been able to work out in over a week ick! Hopefully it will all be better by next week.

I have a strange mole on my neck that is infected and I am worried about it so I am going to find a dermatologist to go to, please just keep my back and that mole in your prayers.

I got new contacts yesterday after wearing a pair of 2 week disposables for 7 months and my eyes are thanking me :)

I was asked to give a talk at Vida Nueva in October and I am very excited and nervous about it but I know that it is going to put an awesome opportunity for God to teach me something new.

I have made a new friend, Ashley; her mom and my mom are seriously BFF's and we just really got to know each other last weekend. It was sooo much fun sippin margarita's and eatin fajitas with our mom's talking about boyfriends-and the lack thereof- and God and Tres Dias and VN, it was just soo refreshing. She and I are in such similar places in our lives and it was just totally a God thing! We spent all of Friday evening, night and all of Saturday and night together lol, it was awesome!

I am back in Cleveland for the first day after I broke up with Jon and I am so scared to see him...We talked for a long time yesterday, he has a cyst in his sinus' and he is scared about it; it was a good talk but it made me miss him so terribly...I am still in love with him I just don't think it's meant to be and I have to stick to my guns and learn to let him go completely...

I am in desperate need of a second job so here is my list of prayer needs:
Healing from Jon
Healing for my back
Protection over that mole, that there would be nothing serious
Favor from God that I will be allowed to "test out of" my final 3 hours so I can be done with school
A second job so that I can pay my bills

Thanks for all of your care and concern to those of you that do :)
All my love,

Food For Today's Thought:
"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you (both) see your relationship as a place you go to give, and not a place that you go to take." -Anthony Robbins

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Tragic Twenty-First

'Near To You'
-A Fine Frenzy-

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss, 
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously 
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading suddenly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am 
Better where you are
I only know that I belong 
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

Parts of these lyrics describe my current feelings so perfectly, and parts of them describe who I hope to be after the pain of this has passed.

Food For Today's Thought: "Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means that you're strong enough to Let Go..." -Unknown

Monday, August 11, 2008

Terrible Twentieth

Poured out like rain on a desert
Not one drop to spare.
The time has ticked by in a slowed race and it's still here.
Poured out over and over so dry and bare.
Shoulders slumped, eyes heavy downcast, in despair.
Poured out there's nothing left, why even ask?
Tired from crying, heart breaking, silence is best.
Poured out. Poured out.
None left to share.
The realization of the failure looms in the air.
Poured out for the last time.
There is always an ending no matter what the rhyme.
Poured out.
Poured out.
Poured out.

"I know I have a heart because I can feel it breaking" -Wizard of Oz

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

New Nineteenth

Ok, last week my comp slipped off my bed, destroying my hard-drive- which means I lost EVERYTHING! Fortunately I had Apple Protection, and so I had my hard-drive and keyboard replaced for free. Thank the Lord I had uploaded over 2,000 pictures onto facebook, which are now chillin' in iPhoto, after dragging them one-by-one, which took about an entire day :/ also, most of my music was from CD's, so I will have to re-burn them into iTunes when I have the chance...

Sooo the woman that I was baby-sitting for is genuinely crazy, I mean she honestly could use meds for needless to say, I am no longer with her family, however I found another family in Cleveland, so I don't have the 1 and a half there and back commute that I had, and they pay the same, the only difference is there are fewer hours, so I am now looking for another part time job that will supplement the rest of the income that I need.

I am looking forward to working with this family, the kids and the parents are all just great! 
School starts the 20th, and I am NOT looking forward to it, I LOVE summer and do not want it to end, however it does mean I am that much closer to graduating...which I am feeling more and more apprehensive of...AHH. Thats for another post. For now, I am going to try to sleep, since its 2:52 am! 
Goodnight all.

Food for today's thought:
"Here's to the nights where the sand is your seat, the waves kiss your feet, and your friends outnumber the stars." -Unknown