Tiring Twenty-Third

This is where I spent the majority of my day- The Humanities Center...

O my word! I was at Lee for 4 hours today trying to figure out my class situation...

Finally, I got the dean to approve my art minor, however I am still short 3 hours to graduate, so after getting 4 signatures-that took like 2 1/2 hours- 3 pages a typed proposition and a filled out application, I took my proposal to the dean of my department asking permission to be allowed to take Pastoral Counseling as Independent study so that I can work full-time. SO I should know by next week whether or not I am approved for Independent Study...please say a prayer that God will work this out!!! 

My mole seems to be better sort of...I still haven't been able to get an appointment with a dermatologist...

My back was better and is now hurting again, so I am going to the chiropractor again in the morning so hopefully it will be another week of relief...

I am still looking for another job so keep that in your prayers...I am in desperate need of some money! 

I went swimming with some friends last night and it was a great time of just hanging out and getting to know knew people...I felt single which was weird but necessary. I know the more I move on the better I'll feel. I hope that as time goes on things will keep getting easier cuz right now they still just catch up to me and catch me off guard and it can be really disheartening and then there are days when I feel totally fine like nothing's wrong or out of place. I guess this is just the process of a serious breakup.

So I'm tired now, and I'm trying because it has been terrible, but I know that it will be terrific when all is said and done.

All the love I can,

Jill

Food For Today's Thought: 

"The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is... for as gold is tested in fire, so will love be perfected in pain." - Unknown

Trying Twenty-Second

After several long days and nights of crying and asking God why? I am feeling better...It is still so painful to think of him, to think of times shared, to remember moments, to realize there will be no new moments, to know I will never kiss him or hold him again...it hurts so badly but I know that I made the best decision I could make.

I sprained my back last week and have had to go to the chiropractor the past 2 days and need to go again on sat. Its been a painful ordeal and I haven't been able to work out in over a week ick! Hopefully it will all be better by next week.

I have a strange mole on my neck that is infected and I am worried about it so I am going to find a dermatologist to go to, please just keep my back and that mole in your prayers.

I got new contacts yesterday after wearing a pair of 2 week disposables for 7 months and my eyes are thanking me :)

I was asked to give a talk at Vida Nueva in October and I am very excited and nervous about it but I know that it is going to put an awesome opportunity for God to teach me something new.

I have made a new friend, Ashley; her mom and my mom are seriously BFF's and we just really got to know each other last weekend. It was sooo much fun sippin margarita's and eatin fajitas with our mom's talking about boyfriends-and the lack thereof- and God and Tres Dias and VN, it was just soo refreshing. She and I are in such similar places in our lives and it was just totally a God thing! We spent all of Friday evening, night and all of Saturday and night together lol, it was awesome!

I am back in Cleveland for the first day after I broke up with Jon and I am so scared to see him...We talked for a long time yesterday, he has a cyst in his sinus' and he is scared about it; it was a good talk but it made me miss him so terribly...I am still in love with him I just don't think it's meant to be and I have to stick to my guns and learn to let him go completely...

I am in desperate need of a second job so here is my list of prayer needs:

Healing from Jon

Healing for my back

Protection over that mole, that there would be nothing serious

Favor from God that I will be allowed to "test out of" my final 3 hours so I can be done with school

A second job so that I can pay my bills

Thanks for all of your care and concern to those of you that do :)

All my love,

J

Food For Today's Thought:

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you (both) see your relationship as a place you go to give, and not a place that you go to take." -Anthony Robbins

Tragic Twenty-First

'Near To You'

-A Fine Frenzy-

He and I had something beautiful

But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last

I loved him so but I let him go

'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this

Shouldn't have to be experienced

I'm still reeling from the loss, 

Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing

But it's taking so long

'Cause though he's gone

And you are wonderful

It's hard to move on

Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different

And I'm enjoying it cautiously 

I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard

To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing

Fading suddenly

I'm so close to being yours

Won't you stay with me

Please

Near to you, I am healing

But it's taking so long

'Cause though he's gone

And you are wonderful

It's hard to move on

Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am

Better where you are

I only know that I am 

Better where you are

I only know that I belong 

Where you are

Near to you, I am healing

But it's taking so long

Though he's gone

And you are wonderful

It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing

But it's taking so long

'Cause though he's gone

And you are wonderful

It's hard to move on

Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

Parts of these lyrics describe my current feelings so perfectly, and parts of them describe who I hope to be after the pain of this has passed.

Food For Today's Thought: "Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means that you're strong enough to Let Go..." -Unknown

Terrible Twentieth

Poured out like rain on a desert

Not one drop to spare.

The time has ticked by in a slowed race and it's still here.

Poured out over and over so dry and bare.

Shoulders slumped, eyes heavy downcast, in despair.

Poured out there's nothing left, why even ask?

Tired from crying, heart breaking, silence is best.

Poured out. Poured out.

None left to share.

The realization of the failure looms in the air.

Poured out for the last time.

There is always an ending no matter what the rhyme.

Poured out.

Poured out.

Poured out.

"I know I have a heart because I can feel it breaking" -Wizard of Oz

New Nineteenth

Ok, last week my comp slipped off my bed, destroying my hard-drive- which means I lost EVERYTHING! Fortunately I had Apple Protection, and so I had my hard-drive and keyboard replaced for free. Thank the Lord I had uploaded over 2,000 pictures onto facebook, which are now chillin' in iPhoto, after dragging them one-by-one, which took about an entire day :/ also, most of my music was from CD's, so I will have to re-burn them into iTunes when I have the chance...

Sooo the woman that I was baby-sitting for is genuinely crazy, I mean she honestly could use meds for OCD...so needless to say, I am no longer with her family, however I found another family in Cleveland, so I don't have the 1 and a half there and back commute that I had, and they pay the same, the only difference is there are fewer hours, so I am now looking for another part time job that will supplement the rest of the income that I need.

I am looking forward to working with this family, the kids and the parents are all just great! 

School starts the 20th, and I am NOT looking forward to it, I LOVE summer and do not want it to end, however it does mean I am that much closer to graduating...which I am feeling more and more apprehensive of...AHH. Thats for another post. For now, I am going to try to sleep, since its 2:52 am! 

Goodnight all.

Food for today's thought:

"Here's to the nights where the sand is your seat, the waves kiss your feet, and your friends outnumber the stars." -Unknown

Energetic Eighteenth

Jon and I on our 6 month anniversary :)

On my way to dinner and a movie with friends...

So for almost 2 weeks I have not had to work, I was not on the schedule for awhile and then the family I work for had their step-daughter keep the 2 kids for awhile so, I am on a semi vacation...however, the setback to this is not making money so hopefully I will be back on the schedule this week! 

I have had so much energy during this 2 week break, I helped clean out my room at home-my parents have our house on the market, and helped my get the house cleaned and organized, then came back to Cleveland and helped my boyfriend clean and organize his house and we celebrated our 6 month anniversary :) then I spent all of yesterday cleaning my room and getting things that I never had a chance to unpack, unpacked. I still have some unpacking to do but should be done in the next few days.

I also have just had a blast with my friends this week, just so much fun hanging out and spending time together, it's really felt more like summer and its been so nice :)

So, I am gonna clean some more and then meet Jonathan at the gym for bf/gf workout! 

Love.

Food for today's thought:

"The summer night is like a perfection of thought." -Wallace Stevens

Short Seventeenth

Not much to update here...Zoe made it safely to Colombia and we miss her already!

Tomorrow is my 6 month (new) anniversary with Jonathan, so I am going back to Cleveland; I've been at home for over a week just chillin with the fam.

Today mammy and peepaw (my grandparents) came over and brought lunch with them-mammy's famous chicken salad! It was nice to hangout and fellowship.

This afternoon Aaron, Zoe's boyfriend-who is living at our house on and off- and I are going to see The new Batman movie The Dark Knight, I'm trying to befriend him and help take his mind off missing Zo so much poor guy :(

So, thats all for now!

Food for today's thought: 

"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."- Martin Luther King Jr.

Sorta Sad Sixteenth

A montage for Zo:

This is Zoe's leaving week, she is moving to Bogota, Colombia in South America to be a missionary for awhile, and I am sorta sad thats she's leaving, sorta sad in the sense that I am so happy for her because she has been wanting this for so long but sad in the sense that I am gonna miss her soo much! 

Zo, I know that your gonna read this, and I just want you to know that I love you so much and I am so glad that through the crappy stuff I got you :) I am soo excited that you are gonna live out the calling you have felt for so long and I can't wait to see what happens with dresses ;)

Love you so much!

Food for today's thought:

"Sisters annoy, interfere, criticize. Indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs, in snide remarks. Borrow. Break. Monopolize the bathroom. Are always underfoot. But, if catastrophe should strike, sisters are there, defending you against all comers. -Pam Brown

Feeling Fifteenth

Well, as the title says, I am feeling...a lot. Although I don't really feel like getting into it all, I did want to express some of my thoughts.

I am missing my boyfriend Jonathan, due to my Canadian visit and his ministry work we have only seen each other one day for three weeks, and I am missing his presence in my day-to-day...

Memorial day, May 2008

I am already missing my sister, Zoe who is moving to Colombia, South America next week to start her life as a missionary there... 

Memorial day craziness, May 2008...

I am missing my dad, with little reason to give, other than with the things and thoughts that are going on right now, his presence is greatly missed...

My little brother Ben, Daddy and me circa 1992...

I am missing my 2 dear friends Andrea and Amanda because they mean the world to me, and not having them here is more difficult than I ever expected...

Amanda, Andrea and I in our last month of college together, May 2007...

So, with all that said, I know life goes on, and missing people only makes them more special :)

Food for todays thought: 

"Why can't we get all the people together in this world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-buys. I know what I need. I need more hello's. 

-Charles M. Schulz

Fresh Fourteenth

Well, as demanded :) by my sister, it's time for an update: 

So, we rolled in yesterday afternoon from Canada, exhausted, as we had gotten up at 3:30 that morning, had a flight, a layover and a delayed flight back into Atlanta...My grandparents graciously picked Zoe and I up from the airport and then waited around for Mom, Derryck and Josiah to roll in about an hour later. After picking us up they dropped Zo and Jo off and the 5 of us went to Mexican, enjoying a nice margarita and some lovely food :)

Last night I went to bed at 9, and slept til 10 this morning lol, I was soo tired, but today I felt much more fresh and revived, however it is time for sleep again, and I am getting sleepy!

Canada was amazing and so much fun, I loved being there and meeting new family, it was a definite blessing!

Tomorrow is a fun day planned with Zoe, a girls day that I am looking forward to!

Enjoy some pics of the trip! 

Food for today's thought:

"I have spread my dreams beneath your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

-W.B. Yeats